


I had you for a moment

by Hellokaelyn



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, F/M, possible ooc, rating maybe a little higher than T?, sometime post 16x18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23135488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellokaelyn/pseuds/Hellokaelyn
Summary: “I can’t breathe.” He was able to wheeze out, his eyes watering from a mix of his panic and the image he witnessed, tearing his already torn heart to bits.
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres, Kasie Hines & Nick Torres
Comments: 17
Kudos: 67





	I had you for a moment

**Author's Note:**

> I know I should write another 17x17 fic but meh.

Nick Torres wasn’t weak. 

He was strong inside and out. Walls protecting his heart and emotions, training and strong muscles protecting him from the outside. Nothing could break him —or at least that was the case before a team and a certain blonde wormed their way inside breaking down every protective layer bit by bit.

But he still wasn’t weak, he just wasn’t. He  _ couldn’t _ be.

Least that’s what he tried telling himself every time his heart ached, every time he felt the anger triggered by emotions, every time his heart sank to his stomach, and every time he felt his airways constrict as panic settled in, something that became a common occurrence after getting drugged.

It wasn’t long after his drugging and left on a boat with no memory how he got there that it happened. He stood in front of a kid, because that’s what he was a  _ kid _ , with a gun pointed at him and anger flowing through his veins as he urged the kid to pick up the gun, yelled at him to pick it up even as he cried and bled. 

He didn’t realize his loss of breath in the moment he last yelled and the moment Gibbs and McGee left the motel room until they were gone. Nick lowered his gun and a big breath left him, his heart racing. 

A part of him knew he should say something but he kept it to himself. He didn’t tell Jack who he started regularly seeing, didn’t tell Gibbs or McGee, not even Ellie after they were all okay again. If he talked about it, that was admitting he had a weakness, and Nick Torres didn’t have weaknesses. 

But there was only so long it could stay bottled up, eventually he’d reach his breaking point and he knew it. He just didn’t think his breaking point would come from Ellie’s happiness.

Yet here he was—leaning over in the back alley of the regular bar the team went to, hand pressed against the cold brick wall with his other hand clutching at his chest trying to get his breath back. He was walking back from the bathroom when he spotted Ellie with her boyfriend  _ Trevor _ standing by the bar away from the table the team sat around. They were almost pressed flushed together, a bright smile on her face as her laughter rang out loud enough to reach his ears that were always trained on the sound of her laugh that used to make him smile, Trevor looking at Ellie with a hunger in his eyes and his hands on her waist dipping lower until he was grabbing her ass.

Nick’s hands shook and he knew what was coming. He quickly turned away, pushing through people ignoring their annoyed shouts. He shoved the back door of the bar opened, and stumbled putting his hand out on the wall for support. 

He was so busy trying to get enough air in his lungs that he didn’t hear the door open or Kasie’s voice talking to him until her hand landed on his shoulder with a squeeze. 

“I can’t breathe.” He was able to wheeze out, his eyes watering from a mix of his panic and the image he witnessed, tearing his already torn heart to bits. 

“It’s okay Nick.” Kasie said soothingly. “Just try and breathe with me alright? Count and breathe with me.” 

Kasie began to take exaggerated breaths showing him how to breath, counting the breaths as she did it. I took a bit, but eventually his heart calmed and his normal breathing returned. 

“Dude, you look like crap.”

Nick chuckled weakly, throwing his head back to lean against the brick. “Thanks Kase, love you too.” He mumbled. 

She only shrugged. “Well you do. You’re sweaty, pale, and those bags under your eyes are  _ not _ attractive.” 

“I’m-” He swallowed trying to get rid of his dry throat. “-attractive no matter what.”

“Uh-huh sure big guy.” With a sigh she moved to his side, looping her arm through his. “Come on, you’re staying at my place tonight.”

“I don’t need a babysitter.” Nick grumbled, but didn’t fight it as she led him to where her car was. “And the team-”

“I’ll text McGee when we get in the car.” Kasie said, avoiding the babysitter comment entirely. 

An hour later Nick lay on an air mattress beside Kasie’s bed, she reached over and turned the light off casting them in darkness before asking the question that everyone had been wondering about for the last month. “Nick?” She whispered. “I know you have feelings for Ellie but her dating Trevor has you more torn up than normal..what’s going on?”

His shaky breath seemed to echo in the quiet. “She doesn’t remember.”

“Yeah I know..she doesn’t remember the last twenty four hours before it happened, but it’s _only_ twenty four hours- is this about you being drugged and not remembering-”

“No.” He said quickly, cutting her off. Nick closed his eyes, thankful for the dark as a tear escaped. “She doesn’t remember  _ us _ ..”

_ Lying in bed beside her Nick’s fingers drifted along the naked skin of her thighs, enjoying the way her breath hitched every time his fingers trailed close to where she would rather his fingers be touching, chuckling lowly at her annoyed huff when he moved away.  _

_ “Nick.” She whined, only fueling his amusement more. “I thought we were going to sleep, and now you’re just being mean.”  _

_ “Who needs sleep?” He murmured. “I finally have you, I’m not wasting the time sleeping.” _

_ Ellie laughed, eyes shining and looking beautiful to him even with her hair a tangled mess. He liked knowing what resulted in her hair ending up that way. Nick tried not to grin as he remembered his fingers buried in her hair, her moans a little louder every time he gave a little pull. It didn’t take him long to learn Ellie Bishop liked it a little rough and hell was he on board. “Fine..if you want it that way then-” _

_ Shoving him away until he was on his back, Ellie gave him a grin as she straddled him. Nick returned the grin right before she leaned down to kiss him. _

“Oh Nick..” Kasie’s voice ripped him from his thoughts. 

More tears fell and he buried his face into the pillow to hopefully muffle any sounds that escaped him against his will. He had her, only to lose her hours later.

“I’m so sorry-”

Kasie slid out of her bed, coming to lay beside him on the air mattress that had just enough room for her. She grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze as her own eyes watered for her friend whose heart was completely and utterly broken. 

Nick’s hand squeezed hers back, an unsaid  _ thank you _ .

What he wouldn’t give to turn back time and find their suspect before he knocked Ellie down the steps. 

* * *

Ellie lay on Trevor’s bed, her shirt discarded somewhere on the floor, his hands roaming over her body as he kissed along her neck. One hand moved to the clasp on the front of her bra, giving her a good look once it was undone that had her want to cover herself right back up for a reason she didn’t know, she was never embarrassed about someone seeing her before.

Trevor smiled at her and whispered. “You’re beautiful.” He moved back to kissing her neck, his hands eagerly touching the newly naked skin before him.

She on the other hand froze as the words washed over her.

_ “You’re beautiful.”  _

_ Ellie let her eyes flutter open to see Nick above her, looking at her with a soft look in his eyes. One of his hands gently moving hair out of her face, his fingertips guiding across her skin. He leaned in to kiss her, and the flutters in her stomach grew from the kiss and the fact he of all people thought she was beautiful.  _

Feeling panic rise in her chest, Ellie shoved at Trevor’s chest trying to move him away from her. He didn’t seem to notice that was what she was trying to do, instead his hand drifted south and instead of him, flashes of someone elses touch came to her.

“Trevor- get off-” Ellie tried to say softly, but there was a slight edge of panic to her tone. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.” He said instead of stopping, a cocky grin on his lips that only left a nauseous feeling beginning to form.

“That’s not-” Ellie began to say, stopping as more images of Nick and her flashed through her head. “Trevor-”

His hand moved under her skirt, and she snapped. 

“Trevor!  _ Get off _ !” She shouted, shoving him away with all her strength making him drop down onto the bed beside them. Ellie scrambled up, scooping up her bra and shirt putting them back on in seconds even with her shaking hands. 

“What the fuck Ellie?!”

“I can’t do this.” She mumbled, not giving him another look as she raced out the door. 

Ellie let her tears fall once outside, her panic subsiding slightly with the fresh air entering her lungs and not having Trevor touching her when she now knew whose touch she really wanted.

They weren’t just images.

They were  _ memories _ .


End file.
